Celestial Coomer Duo
Celestial Coomer Duo
You’ve ascended. Your hands no longer touch earth.
The Celestial Coomer Duo is for cosmic baiters who operate on a different plane. You don’t stroke, you channel. You don’t edge, you orbit climax and command it.
Inside the Duo:
🧥 1x Celestial Coomer T-Shirt. Ethereal threads. Divine drip.
🧽 1x Jerkmate Wipes Pack. For spiritual cooldown.
🚨 2x Pocket Wipes To Go. Because even prophets get sticky.
Ranked 2 isn’t a mode.
It’s a dimension and you’re already halfway through the portal.
Is it machine washable?
Is it machine washable?
Yes. Unlike your search history.
What if someone asks what Jerkmate is?
What if someone asks what Jerkmate is?
Say "luxury." Then walk away.
Is this real merch?
Is this real merch?
As real as your last “just one more video” promise.
Share this product
Your Favorite Local Grocery
We’re a highly specialized, emotionally confusing convenience store. Our shelves are stacked with solo essentials, conversation starters, and items your mom should never ask about.
